Liverpool Angels Page 28

  ‘You tried, Lizzie,’ Alice replied gloomily.

  Mae smiled at Lizzie. ‘It won’t resolve anything if you and Eddie fall out over it.’

  ‘It won’t. Would you like me to write to your mam and try to explain how he feels and how I feel about him?’ Lizzie asked Alice.

  ‘I don’t know, is the honest answer.’

  ‘I think I owe it to her anyway to let her know that Eddie and I intend to get married when this damned war is over and I know Eddie isn’t going to write to her,’ Lizzie informed them both.

  ‘He’s asked you?’ Mae enquired.

  Lizzie nodded and smiled. ‘He’s even been talking about saving for a ring but I’ve told him to keep the money, we’ll need it one day. An engagement ring would be a bit of a waste as I can’t wear it very often – as you know from experience, Mae.’

  Mae nodded, glancing at the ring on her finger, which she would soon have to replace in its box. Her thoughts inevitably turned to Pip, wondering where he was and if he was safe.

  ‘I suppose all we can do is see how things work out,’ Alice said but then she brightened. ‘But I’m delighted that you’ll be my sister-in-law one day, Lizzie.’

  ‘And my cousin-in-law,’ Mae added.

  Lizzie stood up and collected the now empty mugs. ‘The Lord alone knows when that day will come, none of us do, and Sister informed us that our troops now hold two of the three ridges around Ypres but that the Canadians are having a hard time of it at Passchendaele Ridge. But at least there isn’t much likelihood of another big offensive before Christmas.’

  ‘I suppose we should be thankful for that,’ Alice replied.

  Mae said nothing but cold fingers of fear were closing around her heart, for Pip’s division was with the Canadians.

  Life settled back into the routine of ward duties and the steady admission of wounded men from the front lines, and to Mae’s intense relief Pip’s letters, although far more infrequent, kept arriving. He always seemed to be cheerful and played down the hardships and the dangers but Mae knew full well that the casualties were heavy, although few came to their hospital, for the Canadians and Americans had their own. It was a blessed relief when they heard that on 10 November Passchendaele Ridge had at last been captured.

  ‘Maybe we can start to look forward to Christmas now, Mae,’ Lizzie said when she heard the news.

  ‘It’s great, Lizzie, to know that the fighting has stopped for now, but I wish I could see him. I wish we could have as good a Christmas as we did last year.’

  Lizzie nodded, remembering that evening at Monsieur Clari’s café when Eddie had given her the lace-edged handkerchiefs and they’d realised that there was something more than just friendship between them.

  ‘You’ll be the only one of us who will be able to spend it with your fiancé, Lizzie. Jimmy’s at home in Liverpool and Pip is up at the front,’ Alice reminded her friend.

  ‘Yes, I’m lucky that they’ve kept Eddie at that supply depot, and he thinks so too; the last thing he wants is to be sent back to his battalion. I know it won’t be like last year but we should try and make the best of it,’ Lizzie urged.

  ‘How?’ Alice demanded. ‘Our Eddie and I are not on speaking terms.’

  Lizzie frowned, that was one situation that didn’t look like being resolved any time soon. ‘Perhaps it would be best if just the three of us went out in the afternoon on Christmas Eve, providing Sister lets us off. Then I’ll see Eddie on my own. I’ll ask him to find out when he thinks he’ll get time off,’ she suggested tactfully.

  It was a far from ideal situation but there was little they could do to change it, Mae thought regretfully. It wasn’t going to be a ‘season of goodwill’ between Alice and Eddie and she wondered sadly how Aunty Maggie was feeling about Eddie’s refusal to write to his mother. She wondered too just when her aunt would come to a decision about Billy.

  As Christmas approached Maggie felt she couldn’t put off her decision much longer. She was deeply unhappy that Eddie was taking it all very badly and refusing to write, but she’d had a long and lovely letter from Lizzie explaining how he felt and asking for her blessing on their engagement, although she’d said there was no hope of them setting a date yet for a wedding. Even though she had never met her future daughter-in-law Maggie had warmed to her and realised that the girl was in a very difficult position, caught between love and loyalty to Eddie and her friendship with Alice. Perhaps if she herself stopped dithering and made a decision – even if in Eddie’s eyes it was the wrong one – it would help … somehow.

  She poured herself another cup of tea and thought back over the past months. She had become accustomed to Billy’s visits, she’d become accustomed to the man he was now, she’d even admitted to Agnes that she was fond of him, but still at the very back of her mind the doubts niggled. What if it was all an act? What if when she took him back he reverted to his former ways? What if he was only looking for someone to look after him in his advancing years? She sighed heavily; this was getting her nowhere at all and she knew her indecision was helping no one. Not Alice, not herself, not Billy and certainly not Eddie. If she had any hope of trying to reconcile her son to his father, even if it took years, she had to make up her mind.

  At last she stood up and went the drawer in the dresser where she kept a writing pad and envelopes. She had three letters to write before she could hope to get some sleep. One to Alice, a very difficult one to Eddie and Lizzie, and the note to Billy telling him he could come back home.

  She hadn’t expected him to arrive quite as soon as he did. He must have packed his things and left the day after he’d got her note, she thought as she ushered him into the house. He carried one small suitcase; he obviously hadn’t had much to pack.

  ‘I’ll put the kettle on and then we’ll get you settled in, Billy,’ she said.

  Billy put the case down and took a small box from the pocket of his jacket. ‘I want you to have this, Maggie, as a token of my thanks for letting me come back home and of the affection I still feel for you. I know it’s been a hard decision for you to make.’

  Maggie was surprised but took the box and opened it. Inside was a gold brooch shaped as an anchor set with tiny rubies. ‘I didn’t expect anything, Billy, but it’s beautiful and … thoughtful of you.’

  ‘I bought it years ago in India. It took my fancy and the Indian chap who sold it to me said it would be a lucky charm for a sailor. He didn’t get that right though!’

  ‘It was in a way, Billy. You survived. Thank you.’

  ‘You still haven’t heard from Eddie?’ he asked as he sat down at the table, feeling a sense of relief that at last he was able to call this house ‘home’ again. His lodgings had been decidedly bleak and impersonal and he’d come to hate them.

  Maggie shook her head sadly. ‘No, but I had a lovely letter from the girl he’s courting, Lizzie. It appears that she’s going to be our daughter-in-law, Billy, one day. She’s a nurse, a friend of Mae’s and Alice’s, and she’s tried hard to explain how Eddie feels. I’ve never met her of course but she sounds a sensible and caring girl.’

  ‘Maggie, I never wanted to cause a rift between Eddie and Alice. When I came to see you the first time, that was the last thing I envisaged would happen. I don’t want to be the cause of bad feeling between them and heartache for you.’

  ‘I know that. Well, the decision was mine so I suppose some of the blame must be laid at my door. All we can hope is that he’ll change his mind one day. This war will have to end sometime and then he’ll come home and we’ll just have to see how things work out. I’ve written to them both and I’ve “made my bed”. And, talking of beds …’ Maggie placed the teapot on the table and sat down opposite him. ‘I … there hasn’t been … a man in my life since you left, Billy, and well, I don’t feel as if …’ She was struggling, becoming embarrassed.

  He nodded. ‘I understand, Maggie. It’s going to take time for you to get used to having me here again and it’s too soon for anythi
ng … intimate, although I do have feelings for you.’

  She was very relieved for this had been causing her some concern. Yes, she was fond of him but he was right, it was just too soon to think that they could share a bed again. Perhaps in time but not now. ‘Then you won’t mind having the room Eddie shared with John?’

  ‘Not at all. And I’ll be able to do a bit around the house: the Navy made me self-reliant. I’ll contribute to the expenses too, Maggie. I’ve got my pension and a little saved. I don’t drink or gamble any more, all I’ll need is a few coppers for my tobacco.’

  She smiled at him. ‘You certainly have changed, Billy. What money you earned before always burned a hole in your pocket until it was gone. Now that we’ve sorted all that out we’ll get your case unpacked and then I thought we’d have a fish supper as a bit of a treat.’

  He reached across and took her hand. ‘I won’t let you down again, Maggie, I promise. We’ll be grand together from now on, sure we will.’ He smiled, and looking at him Maggie was sure he was telling the truth.

  ‘I hope so, I really do. Welcome home, Billy,’ she said quietly. She was happy now the decision was made, and happier still that she felt she could trust him.

  Everyone knew that the offensive was coming, for the Bolshevik Revolution the previous October and the resultant collapse of the Russian Army had released thousands of German troops from the Eastern Front.

  Christmas had passed quietly without much in the way of either festive spirit or fare, even though the countryside had been scoured for chickens or pigs to provide a meal. They had decorated the wards with greenery but there were fewer comforts coming from home, for things were getting expensive and scarcer as U-boat activity had forced the merchant ships to sail in convoys now with naval escorts, a slow and often costly means of bringing in supplies.

  The early months of 1918 had been bitterly cold with heavy snow and frost, and again the troops in the trenches had suffered terribly, but now spring was on the way and the war was into its fourth year. The girls knew the fighting was about to start again for the hospital had been cleared of as many patients as possible to make room for new casualties.

  ‘Oh, I’m so glad Jimmy is out of it,’ Alice had remarked wearily as they’d bade farewell to the last of the ‘Boat Sitting’ patients, en route to the hospital ship.

  ‘I just wish Pip was,’ Mae added. In the last letter she’d had from him two weeks ago he’d written that they were being moved up to Arras, which she knew was closer to the front line, and she lived in fear of him being so exposed to danger.

  Lizzie said nothing. She was thankful that Eddie was still stationed at the supply depot and therefore relatively safe, but to say it aloud she felt was tempting fate, particularly as the offensive was expected to start at any time now. It upset her that Eddie and Alice were still not speaking. His attitude had hardened after he’d received his mother’s letter telling him Billy had moved back in, and his views on his father had become even more bitterly entrenched, but Alice and Mae had seemed to take the news well.

  ‘Are you going to see Eddie on your next afternoon off?’ Mae enquired as they walked together to the mess tent.

  ‘Of course. It might be the last time for quite a while. There will be no time off when the hospital trains start to arrive. You know that, Mae,’ Lizzie reminded her.

  ‘See if he knows anything more than we do. They take supplies up the line so he might have more news. At least then we’ll be a bit more prepared.’

  Lizzie nodded. ‘Has Pip heard when the next lot of American troops are expected to arrive? The weather on the Atlantic won’t be as bad as in the winter months and surely they’ve had enough time to train them and organise ships to bring them across. It’s almost a year now since they declared war. Their doctors and nurses have been here for ages – they’ve had time to set up their hospitals.’

  ‘He seems to think it will be sometime this month – I hope it will be soon. At least when they finally do come over they’ll all be fresh and fit, not like our lads who are getting weary of the conditions and the fighting. We could certainly do with their extra support now.’

  ‘I think it’s going to be a big offensive this time. I heard Surgeon Major Harris telling Sister Harper that deeper defences were being dug and new trenches and strongholds were being fortified. Trench raiding has been forbidden and artillery barrages curtailed.’

  Mae frowned. ‘That means the hospitals will be even more overcrowded.’

  ‘And it will double our workload but I don’t see them sending any more nurses over to help,’ Lizzie added.

  ‘With the amount of men we’ve already sent back I’m sure the hospitals can’t spare any more staff and Aunty Maggie said in her last letter that things are getting bad at home too. Coal is still expensive owing to the continuing disputes over pay by the miners and so is the cost of living – and they are bringing in rationing because so much is having to be shipped in.’

  Lizzie sighed. ‘I know we say this a dozen times a day but I wish to God it was all over and we could go home.’

  Mae nodded her silent agreement followed by her usual prayer. Keep them all safe, God, please. Keep them all safe.

  To her consternation Lizzie found Eddie in a very depressed mood. Sergeant Walker, equally grim-faced, instructed Eddie to take his young lady for a short walk by the harbour. It was a chilly early March afternoon with a brisk wind blowing in off the sea and the waterfront was crowded with the usual activities of unloading supplies and embarking the last of the wounded, but as they walked towards the sand dunes it became quieter.

  ‘Eddie, luv, what’s wrong? I can see by your face that something’s upset you and you’ve hardly said a word while I’ve been chattering on. Has the offensive already started? Is that it?’

  Eddie shook his head. ‘No, but it will start any day now, Lizzie. I’ve got to go back. I got the order yesterday to rejoin the battalion.’

  Lizzie stared at him in horror as fear surged through her. ‘Oh, no! Oh, Eddie, no! Can’t Sergeant Walker do anything? Can’t he say he needs you here?’

  ‘I asked him the same thing, Lizzie. There’s nothing he can do. I know he’s not happy about it but it’s an order. There are three of us going back, the other two are in the Gloucestershire Regiment. After he’d told us, he said he was sorry to lose us as we were all good lads and then he walked away but we heard him muttering “short of bloody cannon fodder”. And that’s what we are, Lizzie. The Boche have got all those troops from the Russian front now. I don’t want to go. I don’t want to have to face it all again. Every hour of every day wondering when I’ll be hit. I’m not a coward, Lizzie, I just …’

  Lizzie put her arms around him. ‘Of course you’re not a coward, Eddie! You’ve proved that. Twice they’ve sent you back to the front and anyone who says they’re not afraid to face it all again is a damned fool!’ She was more in control of her emotions now. ‘When will you have to leave?’

  ‘Tomorrow, first thing,’ Eddie replied dully. Oh, he’d become so used to life here and its relative safety and comforts. Of course going up the line to the front held its dangers; there was always the chance that a stray shell or burst of machine-gun fire would catch you, and in the dire winter conditions the animals would often stumble or slip and that could cause the cart or gun carriage to overturn, but it had never happened to him. He’d been spared the atrocious winter conditions in the trenches, he’d been decently fed and he’d been able to sleep at night, but now …

  ‘Will I see you again before you go?’ Lizzie asked, feeling utterly dejected but also thinking of Alice. She couldn’t let them part with so much animosity still between them.

  Eddie didn’t reply.

  ‘Ask if you can come to the hospital tonight for half an hour, after you’ve finished your duties, of course. I’ll ask Sergeant Walker, if you like. Eddie, you can’t leave without seeing Alice and Mae, you just can’t!’

  Still he didn’t reply.

  ‘E
ddie, if you go without seeing your sister and … if anything happened to you, I’d never be able to forgive myself and I don’t think Alice would either. Please, Eddie?’ she begged.

  At last he nodded. ‘I’ll ask him, Lizzie, but you’ll have to understand that if he refuses there’s nothing I can do about it.’

  Thankful that he had agreed, Lizzie clung tightly to his arm as they retraced their steps, determined that she would wait to see what the sergeant had to say. At least if he refused she could go back and see if perhaps Alice could be spared for half an hour to make her peace with Eddie before he left.

  Both Mae and Alice received the news with stunned disbelief but it was Alice who found her voice first. ‘They can’t! They can’t send him back again, Lizzie! This is the third time!’

  ‘I know, Alice, but they are. Even Sergeant Walker can’t do anything about it. I’m just as upset and angry as you are. It simply doesn’t seem fair. But he’s coming to see us tonight.’

  Mae was as worried as the other two but she realised that if they were sending men back to their regiments then it looked as if things were bad, that they expected the Germans to break through the line this time. But she didn’t voice her thoughts for now Lizzie would know the terrible anxiety and anguish she suffered every day over Pip.